post graduation thoughts

Can you believe I've graduated college? I can't. It's been a few weeks since I graduated and I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact that school is really for the rest of my life... unless I decide to study again.

So yeah, living the unemployed life right now. I wake up when I want to, go to sleep when I want to and have no responsibilities other than taking care of my dog. It just feels like I'm on summer break. It hasn't sinked in yet that this summer break of mine has no end and I'm the one who has to actually "end" this break of mine. 

8 years in San Beda. Until now, there are moments I would think about how life would be if I transferred to another school, you know be in a whole new environment. Somewhere out of my comfort zone where I have to make a new familiar that I felt in Beda. 

When I started my first year of high school here, I felt like I was in a new world. Me, from a very small school to suddenly this huge campus felt like I was in another country. It was an awkward experience, meeting so many people, trying to fit in, trying not to care. Learning where and what I want to be. 

After getting through the first two awkward years of high school, I felt like I finally got a hang on things, met the people who I wanted to stay in my life and just got a balance. Just like a typical high school girl in a high school movie, I felt like I finally found myself and I liked who I was, as well as the people I was with. I felt content and felt like wow, is this life? (insert is this meme here)

Right then, this comfortable image of high school and life was ripped away from me in such a short period of time when we all hit senior year and had to graduate and move on to each respective colleges. 

I had a hard time choosing mine. I didn't know where I wanted to go since I was not accepted in my dream school and I only applied to a number of schools. I was stuck between applying for Assumption and Beda. Lo and behold, here I was back in San Beda with 2 of my closest friends, the Kates. 

At first I felt like going to college back in the school I deemed home was going to be easy and familiar but I was wrong. The place was the same but the people were so different now. There were dozens of new faces and a new system, no more school bus and there was me. I was trying to get a hold on things again, trying to find a balance. Still trying to guess who were the right friends were... it was like I was a new student again. 

I am grateful for the fact that I still had the chance to have familiar faces such as my best friend around. Me and her studying in the same college allowed us to have a closer bond. For the first year of college, we were inseparable. Two familiar things sticking together. For the years after that, we branched out and had our own separate adventures and problems but we always ended up telling each other everything, one way or another.

If in high school I already liked who I was, at the end of college, I love myself even more. In the four years spent as a Communication student with a mix of people who grew up in different environments and had a set way of thinking different from what I had, there were multiple times I wanted to give up. Drop out and push everyone away. Doubted who I was and the path I was on. For each time I felt that way, I am so happy and proud of myself that I took a breather and kept going. 

I became more mature, more open minded and more independent. I have bloomed physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually throughout college. The good and bad moments I experienced in college formed me into who I am and I have no regrets. I hope I continue to go through life without regrets. I hope I learn to control my actions when it comes to my feelings more since that is a problem I see that I have. 

Compared to when I was 15 and fresh out of high school, I felt like contented with who I was. Now that I'm older, 20 years to be exact, I can't wait to see how far I'll be able to go and how well I can improve myself from here on out. 

Before I continue this post, look how pretty I am!! I am so happy with myself and I am confident. Okay.

Here's to the next chapter of my life. At the moment I am both nervous and excited. Lots of people say it's more fun to be studying than working. I believe that. Being an adult is tough. Not to mention it is unbelievably tiring as well. I wish to create a life that is good enough to make me not think that being younger and in school was better but a life equal to the joy or maybe even more back then. 

I have made my way through college and two decades here on earth. Congratulations to me.

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